- 2 years ago
a new step; a new direction
Just because quite a few people have been asking…here’s an update.
Yes, you have heard true: Freddie and I are back together and working things out. Can’t you tell? It was a big decision to make and I couldn’t be happier. After breaking up, we never lost touch. When I moved to San Francisco, he was the first one to contact me to see if I made it over here okay. After that, he would always check in to see how I’m doing. He was the first one to contact me to see if I had been effected by the San Bruno fire. He continuously told me to have a good day & hope that I’m adjusting to life on my own well. He had done more for me than any other person back in Southern California. He had shown how much of a strong friend he was more than any of my other friends did back in Southern California. He always cared and I never stopped caring and appreciated all he has done for me. Every time I would come back for a visit, we would hang out but it was strictly platonic. We maintained a friendship despite how extremely awkward it would be on numerous counts of occasions. We tried to still keep in each others lives while loving each other from afar. It wasn’t until I came back for a month’s visit that things took a turn. We talked to each other more & spent more time with each other to the point where our true feelings were not hidden anymore. We talked things out and decided to work on the relationship we were both ready to have again. I learned how much he’s been there for me when I needed him the most. I learned how much of a friend he still was during the breakup. I learned I can count on him. I learned he was always there for me. We believe this time around we will be stronger. Did we grow and become stronger already? I believe we have. Before we couldn’t stand the thought of being apart from each other (a reason Freddie moved to San Francisco for me) and now we’re tackling a long distance relationship and we’re okay with it. Those 6 months apart have been a growing process for the both of us as individuals.
I’ve been told that there are people who have a slight problem of our relationship. I’ve also seen the tension; I’m not stupid. If they have a problem with him being in a relationship with me, they are obviously ignorant. They don’t know me at all. If they’re going to be too quick to judge without knowing me or asking me at all, I feel sorry for them. They don’t know what my motives were behind the breakup. I broke up with him knowing if I did, he would come back home. He wouldn’t have grown closer to his family as he is now. He would have never met all his friends he’s with now. I had a big feeling that if he stayed in San Francisco with me, he would have resented me. I felt he didn’t move for himself but for me and me alone. I moved out there for myself. Before I can learn to take care of another, I have to focus on myself first. I love him and I didn’t want him moving there for the wrong reasons. I let go of someone I truly cared about and I struggled with it for the longest time. The fact that he has come back into my life shows me that this is the real thing. We’re the real thing. And if they can’t respect that, maybe they should rethink about what the true meaning of a friend is. I’m not going to be one of those girlfriends that make their boyfriends chose between the girlfriend or the friends. What kind of a girlfriend, let alone friend, would I be? If they give him that ultimatum then maybe they should again rethink what kind of a friend they are being.
Do I regret the decision I made? No, because it all worked out like it should have. We both grew up and found our own means of living a life of our own. We grew independent. We built our own lives during that time and ended up finding each other again. The love grew and grew until we both agreed that it was time to work things out for a second time. We wouldn’t have made this decision if it weren’t for us being so comfortable in our own lives. It was time to bring each other in.
Truth is, there has been no one else who has treated me better than he has. His love for me is so real and pure that you can’t miss a beat. I trust he would never try to hurt me. I trust he would always support me with whatever I do. I trust that he trusts me. I trust that he’ll work damn hard for that future we both see. I trust he’ll never leave me intentionally. I trust I’ll always have a special place in his heart. I trust that his love for me will continuously grow. I trust that this distance will always make us stronger. I trust that he will never break my heart. I trust all those feelings I get whenever he’s in my mind, by my side, or far away. With all that trust and more, I’m proud to say I have found happiness.
The breakup wasn’t a test for our relationship. It wasn’t a test to see if he would come running back to me. It wasn’t a test to see if I could find another person. It wasn’t a test to see if we were really meant to be. I believed our relationship was truly over and my decision was based all on my selfish part. It was a completely selfish decision and made me grow as an individual. Sometimes you need to be selfish, especially at this point in my life. That hope of reuniting was always in the back of my head but I never latched on to that. He and I were smart enough to realize it isn’t healthy to hold onto that type of hope. Getting back together was just a big surprise for me as anyone else found it to be. We both gained new experiences during that hiatus. Both of us knew we weren’t going to be with anyone else because it just didn’t work. Him and I on the other hand are meant to be.
The topic of financial support gets brought up. The idea of money and supporting each other financially has always been a touchy subject. It used to be a big issue with me; I would always follow the saying, “Love doesn’t pay the bills”. And to be perfectly realistic, it is true. Yet, if I’m going to be the one with the upper hand in the money matter, I will accept it. Whatever it takes to support my family right? If I have the ability to make more I will gladly take on that role. I’m not a big fan of tradition, especially for the man to have the “bigger roles” in a relationship. It takes TWO to make a relationship work. I’m growing into an independent, strong woman and if it so happens I have the means to bring in a bigger paycheck, then I couldn’t be any happier. I’ve been taught to not rely on a man to keep me happy in a financial sense. What if I’m with a man who makes tons of money and he decides to leave me? What am I left with? Nothing. I need to make my own money and my own life in order to avoid any of that type of conflict. I am not going to rely on a man to make me happy just because of what his income is. And he sure as hell isn’t going to make me happy based on what his income is. I am so proud of him. He is well driven. I couldn’t be any prouder of him to be working as hard as he does. He may not be on the exact same path as I am for success but he’s getting there. Does that make him any less of a man? Definitely not. If anything, it makes him more of a man to know he’s doing this all on his own. No matter what happens, he’ll have my support.
All him and I can rely on anymore are words. There’s no 10 minute drives to each others house. There are no more hand holding. No more good night kisses. No more hugs. We can only rely on our words. And we’re more than fine with it. Our love is spread all throughout California. I don’t have money to buy you a gift. I’m not by your side to even hug or kiss you in celebration. All I can give you is this: the words from my heart. But I know we’ll see each other again real soon. Thank you for coming back into my life. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know.
Happy 2 year anniversary Freddie. I promise to keep all my pinky promises :)
- 2 years ago