Sooooo…the holidays are coming up real fast & I hate to admit it but I want someone to hold hands with in the cold, I want a New Year’s kiss, I want to cuddle under the blankets and watch holiday movies, I want to exchange gifts, I want to kiss under the mistletoe, I want a valentine.

I’ve been doing so well without someone. I’ve been doing so well without running to or attaching myself to the hip with someone when I think I need them. I’m slowly beginning to realize I’m okay on my own. All I need is myself right now but it’s so damn hard during this time of the year. I haven’t been single during the holidays since my freshmen year of high school.

I really don’t know how it’s like to be single.

Someone from my past who I least expected to be there for me is back in my life. I don’t know how to react to it honestly. I don’t know if this is a sign of another chance or a sign of letting things remain how they were for the past 6 months. I’m not putting myself into a situation where I’m going to be miserable. Then again, I can’t really determine that…

Then there’s this other issue. Issue, really? Okay, not really. It’s been on and off. It’s inconsistent and I’m not used to that. I don’t know how to interpret it and it’s beginning to really make me question. It’s causing me to drift off and day dream. Then I get butterflies. I can’t help but think and wonder that MAYBE, just maybe, there could be more. But it couldn’t be what I think it is. It just couldn’t. It’s pretty much playing with fire. Shall we see what it could do? Where it could lead to?

There is no way. It couldn’t be what I think it is. Could it?