There are times when I feel at the tip top & then there are times when I feel so low. Lately, I was soaring but after the other night, I felt lower than dirt. I discovered that people have it worse than me. I felt like their reason for being in this process completely killed mine. My struggles seem so insignificant compared to theirs. At the same time, this is MY struggle and I should trust in the rest for them to accept that. My problems may not be as severe or as deep but I still hurt.

Maybe I’m just rushing everything. And it shouldn’t be that way. You can’t force anything, it has to come naturally. I feel super behind compared to the rest of them. Having this feeling is causing me to question me being in this at all. But when I’m with them, it seems so easy. The whole world and all its stress disappear and I’m completely happy. Nothing ever seems forced when I’m with them. It scares the shit out of me because this feeling is all too familiar, except it feels more powerful & meaningful than how I felt it with the opposite sex. It’s scaring me because I lost that relationship I had those feelings with. I don’t want to give up these people who have entered my life. I pray, I hope, I wish that these people WILL be the exception. I can’t afford to lose people in my life anymore than I already have. I need that comfort here. I need that comfort forever.

these past few days have been amazing (: i can’t stop smiling! i knew coming to san francisco was totally worth it! this is going to be one of the greatest years of my life. i’m so excited for what else is in store for me.